Ironic that my non-recognized blog hiatus should unintentionally end exactly a month after my last post.
I shall contemplate that as I go...
It happened again this morning. I have a no-snooze rule with my alarm clock and I've never used the button. Instead, I allow myself to doze for five or ten minutes and my body keeps track.
Today I gave myself five extra minutes and spent them worrying.
Worrying about something so irrational and illogical I can almost see Jesus shaking His head in bemused wonderment and the devil sitting in disbelief that I am actually falling for this.
I could feel that all-familiar panic rise. The 'what ifs' and 'how wills' that always accompany my fears. I've got to have a plan for follow-through in case these three scenarios actually do come true at the exact same time with the exact same devastating results so that I will know how to deal with them.
I can't let go of these fears until I have a foolproof plan with which I can stare them down.
Never mind about "all things work together for good" or "I know the plans I have for you" or "that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion". What good are those promises in the face of my all-consuming, life-or-death worries about a future that I know nothing about?
This is serious stuff.
And yet...
When I worry, I fail to take into consideration the goodness of my God.
When I worry, it's always black as black can be. Worst case scenarios. Death, poverty, famine, drought and pestilence. The whole nine yards and more.
In the blink of an eye, my future can become a horrific thing. And I panic because I can't handle this. I can't plan around it. I can't fix or control it. It's out to get me and I can't stop it.
And I feed it. Envisioning horror upon horror and compounding my fears until they're so lifelike that I convince myself they're real. This is what I'm headed for.
Never once before had it occurred to me to say "Hey! What about God's goodness? Why is that never in the future? Why is it only black and awful and full of unsolvable problems (a lot like geometry, but without the book)?"
When my consideration of His goodness is so fragile that I can be easily taken in by the most irrational fears, it's time to do some serious praying and soul-searching.
The promises are there - and they're very real - but if we don't consider them true, then they're only words on a page and empty of power.
Worry leaves when we understand the reality of the goodness of God.
And that it is not solely reserved to our pasts.
Till next time!
