Watching the Waves

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

{Matthew 14:29-30}

In the past two months since my last post, I have experienced an allegory of those two verses that has proven once again how great and powerful and good is my Heavenly Father. 

May was a rough month. June was even worse. I was trapped by my fears and often unable to break out of them. I began to have debilitating anxiety attacks at the thought of anything school-related and even the Scriptures I read seemed like empty promises in the face of the fears that were controlling me. I was watching the waves and, like Peter, I was sinking.

I'm a control freak. I wish I wasn't, but I am. When it comes to my life, I like to have everything neatly cut and dried so that I can rest comfortable in the knowledge that I know what's going to happen tomorrow. Thus figuring out how my current life would work in this well-ordered way whilst throwing school into the mix was exhausting and terrifying to me. My worst-case scenarios only added to my fears while my best case scenarios sounded about as cheerful as Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day. I didn't want to live this life that I felt God was calling me to live and I was shaken to think that He was placing me in a situation where I felt absolutely no excitement, passion or joy. 

 Cue the God who cannot stop doing what's best for me even though I become a little ball of fear whenever change blows through. Through this time in the valley, I can echo the psalm now more than ever before: this I know, that God is for me. 

Because the day my fears came to such a head that I wondered if I would be able to function any longer, God stepped in and turned it all upside down: I was offered a full time job at the office where I had been working part time as the accounts payable administrator to manage both the accounts payable and accounts receivable departments. 

I've been working there for almost a month now and I love it. It's exactly what I've always dreamed of doing and everywhere I turn I see God's hand working in every circumstance. 

I'm still going to school this fall, but since I have been given the job I was going to school in hopes of getting, I've been given the freedom to pick and choose which classes I take and when I take them. I've opted for one this semester and will see what happens from there. I'm trying not to make extensive future plans as I'm beginning to learn that God already has!  

There's just one more thing I would like to say before I end this post: God never, ever, ever gives us stones. He knows how to give good gifts to His children because I can look over these past few months where I thought my situation was going to be unbearable and see, piece by piece, how all of it was only working together for my good.   

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said,“why did you doubt?”

{Matthew 14:31}

 Till next time!