Apathy

This is something I wrote a while ago amid some spiritual frustration. Thought I'd share it with you guys.

To God:

Hi, it's me.

I need to talk to you. 

We've been pulling apart and it's all my fault. I'm always too busy or too tired or just too lazy. I'm sick of myself. So much trivial matter clogs up my brain, monopolizing my thoughts and pulling them away from you.  And I sit there and say that soon this'll be over and that'll be over and I'll have more time for you, but the truth is that nothing will get less busy, nothing will give me more time. I don't spend time with you because I don't want to. It's horrid, but the plain truth. 
I get bored while I pray - they're always the same. I don't feel like expending the energy it takes to read the right books because I don't want to force myself to reevaluate what's important to me. Perhaps too important. I forget to memorize and, frankly, it's become harder because I've lost the zeal to review and actually learn the verses. 
How did I get here? Why do I choose to stay?
I long for a closer walk with you, but here, in the most important aspect of my life, I choose to stay where I am. 
Why, Lord? Why do I give you such apathy?  

Till next time,