Watching the Waves

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

{Matthew 14:29-30}

In the past two months since my last post, I have experienced an allegory of those two verses that has proven once again how great and powerful and good is my Heavenly Father. 

May was a rough month. June was even worse. I was trapped by my fears and often unable to break out of them. I began to have debilitating anxiety attacks at the thought of anything school-related and even the Scriptures I read seemed like empty promises in the face of the fears that were controlling me. I was watching the waves and, like Peter, I was sinking.

I'm a control freak. I wish I wasn't, but I am. When it comes to my life, I like to have everything neatly cut and dried so that I can rest comfortable in the knowledge that I know what's going to happen tomorrow. Thus figuring out how my current life would work in this well-ordered way whilst throwing school into the mix was exhausting and terrifying to me. My worst-case scenarios only added to my fears while my best case scenarios sounded about as cheerful as Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day. I didn't want to live this life that I felt God was calling me to live and I was shaken to think that He was placing me in a situation where I felt absolutely no excitement, passion or joy. 

 Cue the God who cannot stop doing what's best for me even though I become a little ball of fear whenever change blows through. Through this time in the valley, I can echo the psalm now more than ever before: this I know, that God is for me. 

Because the day my fears came to such a head that I wondered if I would be able to function any longer, God stepped in and turned it all upside down: I was offered a full time job at the office where I had been working part time as the accounts payable administrator to manage both the accounts payable and accounts receivable departments. 

I've been working there for almost a month now and I love it. It's exactly what I've always dreamed of doing and everywhere I turn I see God's hand working in every circumstance. 

I'm still going to school this fall, but since I have been given the job I was going to school in hopes of getting, I've been given the freedom to pick and choose which classes I take and when I take them. I've opted for one this semester and will see what happens from there. I'm trying not to make extensive future plans as I'm beginning to learn that God already has!  

There's just one more thing I would like to say before I end this post: God never, ever, ever gives us stones. He knows how to give good gifts to His children because I can look over these past few months where I thought my situation was going to be unbearable and see, piece by piece, how all of it was only working together for my good.   

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said,“why did you doubt?”

{Matthew 14:31}

 Till next time!

Book Review: Divergent

Quickies
1 out of 5
Recommended: No
Categories: dystopian, easy reading, one-time reads

Review
The title misleads because this is not actually going to be a book review. Ladies, I read that book and let me tell you that I want so badly to write an absolutely scathing review. I want to whale into it and let everyone know just exactly why I dislike it. In fact, I did. I started to write a completely different review than the one I'm writing now.

I think now, though, that those righteous-rage opinions are best left unpublished.

I've written many negative reviews in the past. I've enjoyed writing them. I glory in tearing apart weak plots and cardboard characters and poker-stiff dialogue. As an aspiring writer, I'm quick to judge. I get angry when people like things that I personally consider poorly written and I burn to tell the whole world why they should never have been published.

But in those reviews my words aren't kind and, though my opinions are strong, they are critical and have the capacity to be hurtful. So as I planned my review for Divergent, I began to wonder why I had such a nagging sense that I shouldn't. I wanted to - very badly - but the more I wrote and thought about it, the more I felt that, as a Christian and a writer, I should shut up, live and let live. I took a break and gave it some thought and here's what I ended up with: is it really worth my time to throw my two cents into the pool of fans and haters and start a fire that isn't worth stoking? Will my words really do anything worthwhile?

No.

I can spend an hour or more writing a review that will turn people off or I can spend it more wisely writing something that won't polarize, criticize or draw lines. Those characters belong to someone who feels the way about them that I feel about mine. I may not agree with another author's writing style, I may question their motives and choices, I may be incensed by the fact that people find their work worth reading, but I don't need to give it voice. I'm entitled to my opinions, but unless they bring grace, I'm better off keeping them to myself.

So that's my review for Divergent. No, I wouldn't recommend it, but that's merely an opinion. Take it or leave it and form your own. :)

Till next time!  

14 Things I've Learned in 2014

Thus far, 2014 has proven to be an incredibly interesting year. I can't remember a time in my life where so many things clicked and the lessons taught came with such sobering side-effects that they stuck and are continuing to stick. Not all of these lessons began in 2014, but since that doesn't flow with the title of this post, I'll just pretend. December was a struggle anyway, so having the outcomes occur in January was sweetly encouraging.

 1. Tearing others down tears you down as well

2. Not washing off mascara is incredibly detrimental to your eyelashes

3. Blog resolutions take conscious effort to keep

4. If you take yourself too seriously, no one else will

5. Sleeping with your arms above your head is stressful on your rotator cuff {alas!}

6. A soft answer DOES turn away wrath

7. The Ten Commandments are not just a list of rules. Behind every one is a God who knows how much sin damages us.

8. Thinking before you speak can make you miss the moment, but it also leaves you with less regrets. Not everything thought needs to be said - witty or otherwise.

9. Encouraging younger siblings is infinitely better than ignoring them {and gets you help with the laundry}

10. Looking for love in everything God does transforms hard things into overwhelming blessings

11. Rubbing olive oil on your eyelids every night before you go to bed helps your eyelashes get thicker and longer {at least it does if you haven't been washing your mascara off and really ravaged them}

12. Defusing situations helps you control situations. You can't choose how people speak to you, but you can choose how you respond to them.

13. The wisdom with which Jesus answered the Pharisees is yours for the asking. However, you can't ask and then ignore the answer - no matter how much you don't like it.

14. Week days aren't just stepping stones to weekends. Each day can be great if your attitude is one that remembers every moment is an opportunity to bring glory to God.

Till next time!